Cats on Fire

Some things you can't de-program

2008-04-02T23:20:00.002-04:00

And it seems that HR and administrative logic are some of those things. I can't get the logic out of my head... how you are *supposed* to run an office, and logical ways to organize schedules and contacts and pretty much anything along those lines. I'd like to grab their so-called benefits administrators and shake them! Of course, it's much easier to be a couch coach than the real thing, but I can't help but think that I could shake that shit up.

I was told recently in an advisory session that I need to work on my tact. I said, "Oh, you mean my caustic personality?". He said, well, in your words, but yes...

Ah... what he doesn't know... is that this IS me being tactful. This is my patience. Because all I'm doing is having an occasional bitch-vent about it, rather than going in and tearing people apart like I'd truly like to do. I am not calling anyone a dumbass motherfucker like it says to in my head. I am not throwing temper tantrums. I am even studying, and so far, am a reasonable member of my class. I'll let you know when that changes.

Besides, we all know that I have different levels of bluntness to adjust for my audience. Really! It's true! I wouldn't lie! But I suppose I should occasionally cut back, just for the children's sakes, no? *sigh*

Okay, so it's been over a year... And?

2008-03-31T16:22:00.003-04:00

So I'm a douche. I get it. I'm the asshole.
So?

I've been a little busy. Application, working full time, school 4 nights a week and volunteering on Fridays... led me to entering Cornell last August, 2007. I will graduate October 16, 2009. Loverboy has been a complete support the entire time, and the fam listens to me ramble on about ridiculously dorky science things. My friend D joined me at Cornell, so we've both been mostly kicking ass and taking names (sometimes more than others, but whatevs.).

Now? Now I am finishing my second semester, and almost 50 credits so far. Damn near 60 by the end of third semester... in mid-July. A (brief!!) break, and then it's clinical rotations for me, for the next 16 months. I remain unsure what specialty I'd like to enter, but the list so far: ER, trauma surgery, cardiothoracic, and maybe Ob/Gyn later on (I find I like it far more than I thought I would). I'm taking all kinds of crazy stuff - lab skills for surgical specialties (caths and IVs and scrubbing and etc), fundamentals for every body system, anatomy was last semester (yes, they are real cadavers), peds, Ob, Pharmacology, Microbiology, blah blah blah. Too much to bore you with just now.

In other news... my sis and mom are currently kicking ass taking care of their health. My nephews are brilliant and cute, and E isn't being a brat everytime we visit so much anymore. R and N are moving east and procreating all at once, so Mom is pretty excited. And Loverboy is really taking some amazing strides this year for himself. He's pretty awesome, but that's his story to tell. I'm so thankful he's mine, though. My sanity is greatly in need of his patience.

Today... I am migraining, pre-menstrual, and bitchy. But what else is new? Heh. I'll be fine, it's just an off day. And that's what the gods invented hardcore meds for - to take away hardcore pain. Class should be a trip tonight... It's an 8a - 7p day, just like we have 3 days a week this semester. Brutal and boring to sit for that long, but we manage. Sometimes I think it's all just a contest to see if we can take it. Well, fuck those motherfuckers. They're not taking *me* out.

Kitty City - Fatboy Slim

2006-12-08T12:07:00.000-05:00

You must watch this video. You must. Right. Now. Stop what you're doing, and watch.

I don't care if you hate cats, if you think they're evil allergy-inducing demons, this is damn near the cutest thing I have ever seen. Ever.

Best. kitty. city. Ever.

Officially Filed, Baby!

2006-12-05T10:15:00.000-05:00

As of my birthday, September 25, I filed my application for 3 Physician's Assistant programs. Mind you, I'm pretty focused on Cornell, but it would just be foolish to put all my eggs in one basket. Leaping without looking. That sort of cliche. :) So I applied to Touro Manhattan, Stony Brook, and Cornell/Weill. I know great PAs that have attended or worked with all of those programs, and I have the prereqs for them, so they seemed like my best choices. But seriously... I really want Cornell. My eggs are virtually if not literally in the one basket. Hm.

This semester has been a little nutty. I'm working full time, going to classes 4 nights a week (Chemistry and Anatomy & Physiology), and volunteering Friday nights in an Emergency Department. I keep saying all of this aloud, hoping it'll sound more normal the more I say it. So far... no dice!

Finals are going to happen soon... too soon... but not soon enough. January is going to feel like a vacation fit for a queen of sheba. (Referencing bad TNT movie seen last night... The Librarian. Wow, was that bad. Wow. Wow. Wow.

...Wow.) I've gotten the email from Cornell that says "hey, you, we're processing you"... supposedly that means I have 3-6 weeks from that day to wait to hear about a secondary application. Supposedly. It's been 4 weeks if you count Thanksgiving week, and I'm not sure that I do. I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY anxious about this. REALLY. Really.

....really.

Sooooo.... why did I choose PA school instead of med school? There are a lot of variables, but mostly... I wanted to be working in my career as soon as possible, without the added stress and added restrictions that being a doctor would entail. As a PA, I can spend a few years in the ER, and then switch to Orthopedics if I want, or general surgery, or OB/GYN, or... I like that flexibility. I like that PAs get to spend so much more time with the patient on a day-to-day basis. And... I also like to go home and enjoy being with Jason and my kitties at the end of a long day. That's a lot easier to do when you're a PA than when you're an MD. As far as anyone can tell without actually doing it... this is the best job for me. I definitely don't want to be at a desk forever. And I do want to be as useful as possible. Sooooo... PA school for me! I hope. If they want me. Ever. Yep... I'm a little nervous. Yep.

UterUS, not UterYOU

2006-05-26T11:01:00.000-04:00

I discovered a few specific things about being a woman. So I thought I'd share. Our two major hormones are Estrogen and Progesterone. FSH is Follicle Stimulating Hormone: FSH stimulates one of the follicles in our ovary to mature to ovulation and start putting out its own estrogen and progesterone. LH is Leutenizing Hormone: LH causes the follicle to actually ovulate and go into the oviduct (beginning of the fallopian tubes) when it surges up.

The major BC pills/patches/rings/etc do one of two things: put out higher (middling) levels of both estrogen AND progesterone because that inhibits our hypothalamus from putting out hormones (GnRH=Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone) that cause us to eventually ovulate by telling the Anterior Pituitary to send out LH and FSH; OR they (like the Mirena IUD) put out no estrogen and high levels of progesterone, which inhibits the anterior pituitary from putting out FSH and LH - thus no ovulation either.

Please note that during pregnancy, your body is producing mid-levels of both estrogen and progesterone (first from the corpeus luteum, which is what forms of the leftover follicle spot the egg came out of in the ovary, and then from the fetus itself) because mid-levels will also keep your lining thick and lustrous to better support a baby... and remember that this also keeps any other follicle from maturing to ovulation, since you only want one at a time.

So when you take pills that also put out mid-levels of estrogen/progesterone, they are imitating the state of pregnancy, keeping you from ovulating at all. So it's not really bad for you - studies have shown that women who have had children/been on BC have lower incidence of ovarian/uterine cancers than those who have not. And when you have your off week, the levels of Estrogen and Progesterone drop suddenly and that naturally causes you to shed your lining.

IUD's work entirely differently (assuming you have a copper IUD and not the Mirena). The copper IUD's have no hormones - they work solely mechanically. Basically, because of the copper itself and the presence of this object in the uterus, it creates an inhospitable environment for sperm. They are unable to remain viable if they even reach the uterus - and reaching the uterus is trickier since the IUD causes thickening of the mucus at the cervix. Frankly, no one seems to know exactly why it works, only that it does work. This site has a lot of frank and interesting information on the IUD.

The MonkeySphere

2006-05-04T11:03:00.000-04:00

I have discovered a theory that explains the whole entire world society as we know it:

What do monkeys have to do with war, oppression, crime, racism and even e-mail spam?

You'll see that all of the random ass-headed cruelty of the world will suddenly make perfect sense once we go...

Twelve Steps to Total Enlightenment

What the hell is this about?

According to the research and this brilliantly snarky and intelligent article, we are physically incapable of thinking of people as people in numbers higher than about 150. We just can't manage it. And this explains, well, everything. Religious wars. War in general. Hating on government/corporations/countries because they are anonymous blobs of people.

So unless I know you, screw you - you're outside my monkeysphere! Go monkey around elsewhere!*

*Not really. I am supremely grateful to your monkeyness for reading my monkey blog. :)

Immigration and YOU

2006-04-17T10:44:00.000-04:00

For the immigration nerds in our audience (okay, just me):

Trying to immigrate to the United States is a motherfucker. There are several ways to go about it, but most take a really long time and tend to be very expensive.

1. Getting authorization to work in the US.
a. Working visas. H-1B - you must have at least a BA and be working in a job that requires a BA. Must prove YOU'RE so wonderful, we can't get an American with your qualifications. J-1, trainee visa, lots of restrictions, may have a requirement to return to your home country for 2 years. F-1 is for students only, though you can get permission to work for "training purposes". Very limited amount of time, however. L-1 is for people working in a foreign branch of a multi-national company (UK sends an employee to their US branch). E-3 visas are like TN's for Australians only. New category, so some kinks are still being worked out. TN visas are for NAFTA treaty members (Mexico, Canada). They have to be within certain job categories, but can be renewed indefinitely. B1/B2 visas are tourist/business visas. You're either visiting for fun, or a business meeting - not getting paid at all.
b. You can also receive work authorization through the green card process (aka Lawful Permanent Resident card process). More on this later.

Once you are approved, most of them require you to go through the US embassy/consulate in your country, and get a Visa Stamp. Some, you only need the stamp if you're traveling out of the US, so if you get a new H-1B visa approved while you're already here, you can just start working. On a J-1, however, you have to return to your home country, get the visa stamp, and return before you can begin to work. It's annoying, really. This part can take from 3 days to several weeks/months, depending on where you're from. They tell you it's just processing delays... but it's because you're from Jordan. Really.

The Green Card Process itself:
Now, once you're here and you want to stay forever because gee, it's so nice here (and comparatively speaking, I'm sure it is)... now you can apply for that LPR you've all heard so much about.

You CAN apply from an H-1B, F-1.

You CANNOT apply from a J-1, TN, E-3, or B1/B2, as those are approved predicated on the idea that you're only here temporarily. That's a key phrase, people... I've seen J1's denied because the applicant didn't make their Temporary Status clear - didn't show enough ties with the home country. It's a tetchy thing.

Now... if you apply for that LPR through your spouse, it often goes more quickly, but you have to prove you are married for looooove, not to get them into the cooouuntry. However, if you happen to be from somewhere like Syria... it's gonna be awhile. Talked to someone today about a couple who's been trying for over 2 years. Yikes. My brother and his lovely German wife only had to wait less than a year.

Applying for the LPR sponsored by your workplace... is complicated. And this is where I see most people get screwed. You have to prove that a: your skills are unique to you; b: the job requires the skills that you have; and c: the workplace can't find anyone else like you (up to actually advertising for YOUR JOB and interviewing people!!). We go through this to a minor extent with H-1B's and E-3's, but not to actually posting in the NYTimes. This can take years and years, depending on what you do.

The doctors? Eh, a year or so. The janitor? 10 years so far.

There are other ways to go - asylee status if your country hates you, what you stand for, is in the middle of war and/or genocide (especially on your people), etc. Asylee status can be tough to prove, but not always. Once you have it, it's yours... but it is dependant on whether your country is in the same state as when you left. Sometimes, they can take that asylee status away. But it does confer automatic employment authorization, which is nice (but get the card anyway to be nice to your employer, most employers don't know that!).

Once you apply for the LPR, you will become eligible to apply for an EAD (employment authorization document). A few words on this.

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE ELIGIBLE, DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY AUTHORIZED. Ahem, sorry.
Receipt notices do not confer any kind of employment authorization on you whatsoever. NONE.
YES, IT REALLY DOES TAKE THEM 90 DAYS TO PROCESS YOUR EAD RENEWAL. Don't believe them (the people at your interview or the USCIS) when they tell you "you'll have your green card before then", or "it won't take 3 months"... because that's when you get screwed. Just apply for it. It's not worth saving $185 and then find yourself on unpaid leave because you have no authorization to work anymore.

Powerful quote of the day

2006-02-23T11:18:00.000-05:00

I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

I'll be checking out her books, I think. Check them out at Amazon. She sounds interesting and funny and maybe I'll be thinking more soon. All good things!

This is an interview with her at The Elegant Variation, which is a literary blog that I am now going to have to read regularly. Oh, the humanity!

Kitties On Patrol!!!

2006-02-09T15:01:00.000-05:00

Found on Gothamist, which I highly recommend for daily browsing:

Kitty Cat Helps the D.A. Fight Crime!

If you thought your cat was only good for adorable primping (and hairballs), meowing during scratches, and covering up litter box poop, think again - your cat could have a future in law enforcement. Because the Best Story Ever Ever Ever is how the Brooklyn DA's office deputized an eight month old cat from Animal Care and Control to help bust a fake vet!
The media was putty in the paws of Fred and Burt - see the NY Times photo of Fred reeling from Burt's kiss; see AM New York's photo of Burt at the press conference - hell, AM New York put him on the cover! The Post titled its article Paw and Order, and the Daily News reporter Nancie L. Katz gets a subtle shoutout from the NY Times' staccato, noirish retelling of the animal tale:
The victim was stitched up. The hero wore a badge to meet the news media. His big green eyes looked past a dozen TV cameras. A dozen camera operators made kissy noises.
A tabloid reporter asked the district attorney a tabloid question.

"This is the first, Nance," Mr. Hynes said. "First undercover cat."

Then Fred took a nap in the corner. Tomorrow was another day. His owner said neutering was still in the works.
Good to know: You can adopt a pet from Animal Care and Control - see who is available here.

Link to Gothamist, who should be credited with the above post information.

This is absolutely adorable, and you can't deny that you just just said "Awwwww!!" either mentally or out loud. I absolutely love this story, and I love that it's getting unadopted pets some press. Just look at Fred - I bet he'll be adopted before the day is out!

If you have a home for a cuddly pal, look to the shelters first - there are a LOT of gorgeous beautiful buds out there. :)

Caffeine: Friend or Foe?

2006-02-03T09:08:00.000-05:00

I've been doing a bit of reading on the subject, since I've been cultivating my very own addiction to caffeine since September '05, and I think the answer is: Friend. But only if you're not overly sensitive. My recent discovery is that coffee right before class (class being at 5:30pm) = a restless night of sleep. Not even tossing and turning, but just plain... wakeful. Not very refreshing, lemme tell ya.

How does caffeine keep us awake, you ask? What a good question!
Not that I've gotten this far in my studies as yet, but this site is pretty useful. It seems that our little friend increases our dopamine levels, making us happy (in the same way that cocaine and heroin do! Yippee!), and interferes with our absorption of adenosine, which is the hormone that puts us in a deep healthy sleep. Without that hormone at sufficient levels, we never really go beyond a light, wakeful sleep. So we think we're resting (sometimes)... but we're not. How thrilling for all of us. And the worst part is how long it stays in our system - one site actually describes it as half-lives (how long it takes for one half of an amount of material to decompose, or in this case, pass out of the system): according to the HowStuffWorks (link above), it takes 6 hours for half of the caffeine to pass out of your system. So if you drink coffee at 5:30pm like moi, 11:30pm is not going to be a very good bedtime because half of that caffeine is still floating around in there.

However, buttloads of studies have been done on the possible harmful side effects of caffeine, and other than those with other issues already (such as heart problems etc.), caffeine is pretty much a non-issue. Caffeine and Women's Health is a great piece that summarizes a few decades' worth of studies. It also has a little breakdown on how much caffeine is in what:Another thing to note: there are products out there advertising "natural" caffeine, usually from the Guarana plant... yeah, that's just caffeine. And it's no better or worse than other caffeine. And in fact, as quoted from the National Geographic site, the ingredients might list caffeine AND Guarana, which means you're getting two doses of caffeine! Of course, that might be a good thing for some of us. :p

So, what pretty much everyone wonders is: How much is too much? On average, 3-4 cups of regular coffee per day (at only 8 oz per cup), or 200-300 milligrams of caffeine should be your max. If you drink espresso instead (as I do every morning), that is equivalent to 6 oz or less of espresso. In case you wondered, each espresso shot is 2 oz, as told to me by Starbucks. Yes, I asked. So a "tall" has 2 oz, a "grande" has 4 oz, and a "venti" has 6 oz unless you ask for something else.

There is also the anecdoctal evidence that caffeine makes yer boobs hurt. Plenty of sites mention cutting down on caffeine if your boobs hurt, but none mention WHY they hurt! Harrumph. I'll find it later. I wonder if guys' boobs hurt too?

Well, do they, punks?

Fighting the lazies

2006-01-10T10:27:00.000-05:00

I've been going to the gym. No, it's true.

It's been one lousy week and I'm as proud as if it's been 3 months already. It's pathetic that after such a small showing I'm all like "yeah, I was at the gym on Sunday and it was empty!" or "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just stretching because my muscles are all tight from the gym". *shakes head*

I should be ashamed... but I'm not. Heh.

I want to start a new habit for myself, but I'm trying to be realistic. After all, I'm going to have classes again at the end of the month (fucking colleges that don't fucking schedule Chem I at night, those fuckers!), but only Bio II. So I'm trying to go when I'll really go - weekends, a couple evenings here or there, the very very occasional morning before work, that's it. I'm not a 5:30am-every-other-morning nutcase like some unmentionable people I know. I just can't deal with that. So we'll see. I only bought a 1-month membership to see if I'll go - I don't want to be out several hundred dollars if I get an attack of the lazies.

So far, so good... I suppose. Mostly cardio and quad- and core-strengthening stuff. That's what I need most, so I can go do something more interesting like the rock wall or rebounding classes (like aerobics, only on trampolines!!! how frigging cool is that???). Ahem. Sorry.

Wish me luck.

Boobs

2005-12-19T16:00:00.000-05:00

Since my boobs are currently trying to kill me, I thought I'd share some thoughts on our health. See the ever-helpful WebMD LINK for reference. I'll quote the useful bits... though their usefulness remains to be seen. Perhaps a bit of primrose oil tonight... But I'll be goddamned if I'm going to go without my newly developed caffeine love - I have to study tonight, you know!!

1. Say goodbye to coffee and other caffeinated beverages after you ovulate at mid-cycle (for most women, this is around the 14th day of their cycle). Caffeine tends to increase both swelling of the breasts and water retention.
2. Consider taking a multivitamin and calcium daily. The jury's still out on whether certain vitamins and minerals can really help with PMS symptoms -- a study published in the February 2000 Journal of the American College of Nutrition was lukewarm on the true effectiveness of vitamin E, vitamin B-6, and calcium. But some intriguing research suggests that these nutrients may help remove water from the body and alleviate swelling in the breasts.
3. Consider evening primrose oil supplements. Again, there are no well-controlled studies to confirm that this supplement works, but some women seem to find relief with primrose oil's anti-inflammatory properties.
4. Try an over-the-counter medication, such as Pamprin or Midol, that treats the symptoms of PMS. These medicines contain pain relievers and natural diuretics, which can alleviate discomfort.
5. If nighttime is especially uncomfortable, try sleeping on your back to protect your breasts from the painful compression you might feel when sleeping on your side or front.

Did you know that cholesterol is actually a steroid, and is directly involved in sythesizing hormones? So does that mean that when I eat like shit, my hormones go more wacky and hurt me? I have a bad feeling about that. Happily, they let me drink a bit this weekend. I am determined that I will not fall to the PMS demons, dammit. I will NOT have cramps and heavy cycles, because I WILL use the BC method of my choice!

Ah, what is that, you ask? Because I know you want to know, here's some interesting information on Copper IUD's. You may read this and wonder why the hell would I want that for, and you're not all wrong... but for those screwing others they can trust (really single partner sort of thing), non-condom/non-hormonal BC is totally the way to go. Everybody's doing it, man. (oops, that should probably be WOman. :))

The next question you might have is... what do I have against hormones and condoms? Well, Alex, my hormones have been screwing me altogether, to the best of my understanding. I'd like to be the one doing the screwing in my body, thank you very much. And I'd like to go longer than a week without a migraine. And condoms? C'mon, there have got to be SOME benefits to being married! Sheesh! If I feel that way about condoms, just guess how I feel about icky things like sponges or cervical caps. Yuck, yuck, ick, and ew. So I'm clearing out my system of all the excess crap, and so far, so good. Of course, it's been less than a month. But I'll take it!

Well, it's time to placate the boobs. Since I don't think ice packs in my bra will go unnoticed, I'm going to try to go home as soon as possible. :)
May we all be healthier than we hoped!

Sleep, that teasing bitch

2005-12-06T09:52:00.000-05:00

I was thinking of the college years today and remembering and I wonder... How did I get so old, when I'm not old yet? I'm 27. I'm married. I work full time, and go to class part time (currently 2 nights per week). I have kitties and friends to play with. So I'm reasonably busy...

And man oh man, I need more sleep. I would be so much more healthy if I were able to go to bed at 9:30pm regularly, and get up at 6:30. Now, I'm lucky to be attempting sleep at around 11pm, and it's generally not enough. I wake up poorly.. I'm convinced that if I got less or more, I'd be okay, but 6.5-7 hours makes me wake up in the middle of a sleep cycle so I'm really groggy when that alarm goes off. Plus, I have kitties and restless sleeping husband(s? - grammar thought) to contend with... as I've gotten older, I no longer sleep so deeply. I miss sleeping deeply. It's so enjoyable.

I still feel that great love of my bed and pillow. Especially after I've had to travel, which always involves sleeping somewhere terribly uncomfortable with pillows of lead.... I get home, and when it's finally time to sleep, man oh man... I snuggle into my pillow, and sort of squirm/cuddle into the mattress, and cuddle up with my blankets and suddenly I feel peaceful. I LOVE sleeping when there's a little chill to the air, and so the blankets are just necessary enough...

And the last couple of weeks, Loverboy and I have had some truly perfect, world-class cuddles. I will fall asleep with my head on his shoulder and his arm around me, and considering that I am, after all, a bit bigger than he is, it's amazing how comfortable this is lately. I think it might actually be because he's got more muscle (so more cushioning) on him now, so it's nicer for my head and the angle's better for my neck... and man, those cuddles have been SO satisfying. Just last night, I drifted off so quickly once I got into classic cuddle position. My absolute favorite is when he'll put his arm above his head, tucking his hand under his head - that makes a really comfy surface for me to rest my head on. I guess I'm sleeping on his armpit, but he's wearing a t-shirt and I just feel so comfy.

Hm. Sorry... starting to ramble. (Starting?!?!?)

So anyway, yes, I believe strongly in sleep, and I love to sleep, and boy oh boy. And may we all have a good night's rest tonight. And maybe some booty too, that wouldn't go unappreciated (I'm looking in YOUR direction, Loverboy! :D )

Giant friggin' berries, oh my!

2005-11-11T09:09:00.000-05:00

I would just like to note that I find it a little disturbing that I can find and eat blackberries and raspberries bigger than my thumb on a cold November day. These things did not grow naturally, that's all I'm sayin'... Not that I mind, of course, but it's sometimes... disturbing.

Mm, GMOs, breakfast of champions...

Employee Relations

2005-11-09T13:27:00.000-05:00

What is so difficult about the concept of work? When I worked at the front desk, I had to deal with a LOT of absenteeism. I wasn’t the actual receptionist, I had my own 2 jobs to do, but when we had turnover (for WEEKS at a time!) or when they would call in sick (regularly!), I would cover the desk. Did I get an hour every day for lunch? Hell no. 90% of the time, I would eat in between phone calls and interviewees coming in. If I got a half hour, I was happy. I never expected to take an HOUR when there were so many other things going on. And I sure as hell didn’t have 4 other people to ask to cover. There was my boss, whom I would never ask, since she’s the BOSS, and one other recruiter, who was just as busy most of the time!

Furthermore, if you’re going to ask someone else to cover, don’t ask me for a whole hour. I have things to do too. You don’t have to ask ME every time, either. And if you are going to ask… how about not at 12:40? When I’m already eating, thinking you’ve been a big girl and have taken care of it yourself? I HAVE THINGS TO DO TOO. Stop being lazy, stop being helpless, stop being inefficient. And if I come to cover… have food. Seriously. Don’t ORDER when that will take an hour to arrive, and you could walk THREE MINUTES to get the fucking food.

Ahem.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming…

Kitties!!

2005-11-07T16:47:00.000-05:00

I love my kitties. They're soft and warm and cuddly, and they always love me a lot when I make it home. I'm feeling a little guilty about not being home at all this past weekend... :(

Sabrina is in a love-dance mood altogether. She jumps into my lap and finds a way to lay down, curled up, and leaning against as much of me as is possible. If I'm wearing my robe, then that's all the better to her, since she tries to burrow inside! Sabrina purrs the whole time. She also likes me to give her smooches on the top of her head... she'll walk up my lap or chest, and bump her head into my chin or mouth, clearly saying "SMOOCH ME! SMOOCH MEEEEE!!" Lately, she's also really into scratches on both sides of her face at the same time.

Punkin is a whiner... he'll meow and meow in that puny little voice until you pick him up and hold him. He's such a girl... he just wants to be held. Loverboy isn't allowed to sit while holding him, Punk just jumps down. Nope. You have to stand. For some reason, Punk lets me sit, thankfully, since I'm a lazy one. And he's started kneading us lately. That's weird to me, because he was never a knead-the-lap kind of cat before. Neither of them were. But now... Punk will happily make his bed and purr madly for several minutes. Weird.

Both of my kitties come when called, running with their little paws pounding the floor, rushing to see what's going on. They wait at the door when we come home, they sleep on the bed with us all night, and they keep us company, patiently waiting on the bath mat, while we shower or pee. You don't even realize it at first... you get up from the couch to go to the bathroom, and suddenly, the two kitties that were fast asleep are now in front of you, yawning and looking for scritches while you're trying to pee. Not that I'd ever be mad about that, but still... Punkin is usually found waiting outside the shower door for the millisecond that you turn off the water, so he can jump in and lick water from the corners of the shower. We've taken to rinsing the walls very well in an effort to keep a "mildew-free kitty", as Loverboy says.

I love them. I really really love them. They are loving and funny and quirky and sweet, and they give us 200 times what we give them.

Smoochy buggers.

Rainy days are meant for cuddling

2005-10-12T22:02:00.000-04:00

It's true.
Loverboy and I took today off. Ostensibly, he took today because he was still feeling ill after yesterday's migraine fiasco. He's particularly thankful for my fioricet, however, since it helped him not become a fetal ball on the bathroom floor, like last time. Youch. So today, we slept in, left our phones off, ate breakfast AND lunch in bed... and pretty much didn't leave the bedroom allll day long. It was TV and cuddles and kitties happy to see us... a perfect day. Especially since the rain was doing its raging thing outside. Yuck. He and I left at the same time - he for rehearsal, me to go watch Corpse Bride. I'm home and back to wondering if he'll ever get here. :(

Corpse Bride... hm. I loved the animation. Loved the ideas, and many of the executions. The colors and the sets and people were fun to watch. But the plot... and the music... not Danny Elfman's best on the music. Lots of potential, but I couldn't understand the damned lyrics!!! Grrr. Worst thing to do to a musical, pretty much ever. It means I noticed the thin and wispy plot, when you should have distracted me from that with bright lights and dancing skeletons. The best part? The dog. Yep. The dog. The maggot just annoyed me. Wasn't developed enough for the usual sidekick role. So, I'm disappointed. Which sucks because I was reallllly excited about going. Thank goodness for my classmates - if they didn't go with me, no one would have.

Speaking of... I'm really enjoying them. They're both a little bit older than I, and very intelligent with senses of humor... and a willingness to involve themselves in a new person/friend. I find that amazing, frankly. Most people can't be bothered. Reminds me why I talk to people I don't know - I meet people like these two every once in a while. Red is newer than Braless Wonder (I call her that cause she's always taking it off subtly in the middle of class or studying or whatever), only in that we recently started to see her a bit outside of class. Do you know, BW actually remembers things I tell her about my life? I just can't fathom it. I'm so boring and I talk so much!! (You'll see if you don't already know.) And all three of us are passionate cat lovers. Yes, I love my cats. Didn't you get that part yet??? They're such loving kitties!! You'd better watch it, or you'll fall in love with them too. (Except of course for the one friend they can kill. But that's not their fault, they're meant to be furry!)

Oh, dear, I'm rambling again.

A good day, despite further doses of the fioricet. Fourth day in a row. *grumble*

Loneliness despite TV

2005-10-11T23:00:00.000-04:00

I am trying to decide why I'm lonely.

I happen to be alone at the moment, except for my two kitties (Sabrina and Punkin, best kitties ever). That doesn't seem to be a good enough reason. Even the TV is harping on themes of loneliness.

I am married, by the way. Happily. Delightedly. Ridiculously. Disgustingly. But the amazing, wonderful and frightening thing about loneliness is... it doesn't matter. Loneliness exists despite your family and friends. Despite someone loving you even though... well, just about everything. Despite your TV. I think it's at once illuminating and debilitating.

I've always envied my sister's ability and sheer enjoyment of being alone. I've never been good at it. It makes me nervous... I think I should call someone just to chat, or I watch TV (with the ever-familiar faces, since they never do anything new), or I read and lose myself in a book. And yet... and yet. I dislike being with people constantly. I want to be off by myself, doing my own thing, and I dislike feeling like I must talk to someone else, be concerned with someone else... But if I do it for too long - and sometimes, an evening is too long - I get anxious. I wonder if Loverboy is ever coming home, and I am terribly huggy when he gets there. (I plan to be extra huggy tonight.) Sometimes, it's too lonely even if he's in the next room, getting some of his own much-needed alone time. I just want to hear his voice, or get a hug. Sometimes, I'm lonely even when he is hugging me. It's not that he's not giving enough, it's that there's too much. And here's an odd one... I feel guilty for feeling lonely, knowing that I shouldn't be.

I am always fascinated by the studies about how babies (humans? monkeys? I'm not sure) grow healthier if they have human touch and affection throughout infancy. The babies who are not given physical touch are sickly, skinnier, fussier, despite all other factors being equal. I don't think we ever grow out of that. Clearly, people have developed into beings that need other people. Clearly, the TV is not enough.

Migraines.... and biology!

2005-10-11T11:59:00.000-04:00

Today, I came into work late because I had a migraine, and I needed a little extra rest and time to let the hardcore medication work. Nothing unusual about this; frankly, I get these way too often to be seriously sideswiped by them. It's been a hard few days in this regard, mostly because I had one on Saturday night into Sunday morning, that the medication muted for a while until I had to take MORE meds Sunday afternoon. Monday was okay until the evening... and then it was meaner and meaner until finally, it woke me up at 4am, demanding more meds. I'm better now, but I'm betting I'll be taking fioricet later today.

The weird thing about today is that my husband (we'll call him Loverboy for amusement's sake) also had a migraine. He gets them about once a year, although it's been about 2 years since the last 'event'. Unfortunately, Loverboy gets the Classic Migraine - that means auras, light sensitivity, nausea, stomach cramps, and nasty amounts of high-octane pain. I am lucky (sort of), and only get the Common Migraine, specifically Cluster Headaches. They are nasty pieces of work as well - generally a spike into one eye, one side of my sinus becomes entirely stuffed, I only sometimes get the one teary eye, and the entire half of my head feels like it's on fire. They tend to be repeaters - you think you've gotten rid of it, and then you have a rebound, or a second one, or something like that and you are in pain again. But this time, you can't take the real medication (such as Maxalt or Imitrex) since that's just once per 24 hours, so you have to take your backup. Mine is Fioricet plus Codeine. (Fioricet is a barbituate plus caffeine.) Whee. I had never taken anything so hard core in all my life before this started happening.

Now to the pseudo-scientific part of the discussion. I think Loverboy's migraines are mostly due to exhaustion and stress. Plus, right now there happens to be a low-pressure system hovering over our semi-fair city. As for mine... I think they're all because of a malfunction in my smooth endoplasmic reticulum. Did I mention I'm taking Biology classes at night? :) Prepare your boredom shields!!

The smooth endoplasmic reticulum is an organelle in the cell. Its membrane is connected to the nuclear envelope, and it is joined to the rough endoplasmic reticulum. Several things happen in the smooth ER. The functions I'm concerned with are synthesizing sex hormones/steroids and cleansing toxins. In liver cells, the smooth ER is responsible for the toxin cleansing (specifically things like alcohol and barbituates) and in brain cells, it synthesizes the sex hormones. Did you know that when a person develops a higher "tolerance" for a drug, it's because their cells have grown more smooth endoplasmic reticulum to deal with the influx of toxins?

Here's where we get into pure hypothesis without benefit of scientific backup. I believe that when my hormones reach certain changes in level (those hormones that are produced in the smooth ER of those brain cells), that sends out messenger cells to my liver, my stomach, and the vein cells of my brain's meninges (the brain membrane.... insane in the membrane!! ahem.). Those messenger cells tell my liver's smooth ER to screw up detoxifying the alcohol from my blood stream, and my stomach's smooth ER to stop producing lactase (the enzyme for lactose, the lovely protein in all kinds of yummy dairy products), and then they tell the cells in my brain to start constricting my blood vessels so I can have a migraine!

At least, that's my theory.

What do I do with this theory? I dunno. I can't not eat dairy products... perhaps just not a quesadilla... when the hormones are running. Heh. Gives me the poos. I haven't yet figured out what to modify to affect my migraines, but I will. I will.

In the meantime... fioricet is our friend.

Welcoming and a bit Dotty

2005-10-10T18:04:00.000-04:00

I haven't decided what I'd like to write about yet. That's not a good start, is it?

I wanted to find a place to be free and yet open, smart but silly, talkative but able to let the words just be. Sometimes I feel the need to wrap my whole life in words, as if discussion will clarify and rectify my bruises and worries and broken thoughts.

Most of the time... I'm pretty happy just being.

So, we'll discuss the world and my limited understanding of it, and perhaps some modern media and culture, and let's not forget pure unadulterated silliness. I love me some silliness. I'll also probably discuss other dorky things I find interesting, like science, medicine, linguistics, and things of that nature. Whee!

I'm not very good at keeping in touch, but this marks my first attempt at trying harder.